


Out of Order

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M, challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-28
Updated: 2006-03-28
Packaged: 2019-02-02 05:57:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12720999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: "Down Time"  Jack's favorite part is out of order... much to Daniel's dismay.





	Out of Order

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: None.  


* * *

"That's... um... that's disappointing." Daniel's voice trailed off as he slowly stripped off his clothes and pondered the information Jack had just shared. 

"Yeah, I know," Jack said tensely. He'd refused to divulge Dr. Fraiser's diagnosis and course of treatment until they were someplace more private than the SGC. But even at his most reluctant Jack had to concede that their bedroom was about as private as it got and he'd finally had to spill. "But that's what Doc said." 

"Oh." Daniel was trying hard to look supportive and consoling but looking instead mostly thwarted and uncomfortable. 

"Yeah, it sucks," Jack grumbled as he gingerly slid his sweatpants off. 

"No, I think that's probably out of the question for the time being." Daniel bit at his lip. "So... um, does it hurt? 

"What do you think?" Jack snapped. They both looked down at Jack's swollen and bruised groin. "And it's all your fault." 

"My fault? How is it my fault?" Daniel retorted defensively. 

"You told me to participate in that... that game cum ceremony cum stupid macho display," Jack accused. 

"Should have been right up your alley," Daniel muttered as Jack glared at him. "Besides, I merely suggested that respecting their customs would be conducive to further relations." 

"And **oh** how wrong you were! We won't be having **any** relations for a while." 

"There was no way I could've known that they would consider the genital area as an acceptable target. After all, that seems to be a fairly universal no-no." 

"Well, they do. Chief "my totem pole is bigger than your totem pole" kicked me in the nuts and now.." 

"Now it's broke." 

"No, it's **not** broke," Jack said with a shudder. "And stop talking about it like it's a toy you got careless with." 

"I never get careless with that," Daniel said sharply. "And Janet did say.." 

"Doc said it's bruised. Bruised and... and, well, out of commission." 

"How does she know?" Daniel asked with a frown of genuine puzzlement on his face. "I mean... did you try it out? Or... or something?" 

"Damn it, Daniel." Jack scowled but reluctant humor warmed his eyes. "It's not out of commission because it can't. It's just that it... I shouldn't." 

"So we've got down time," Daniel commented, staring again at Jack's battered manhood. "And, unfortunately, we also have 'down' time." 

"This puppy ain't getting up any time soon," Jack agreed reluctantly. He eased onto the bed, laying on his back and wondering if it would look too wussy-or conceited-to put a pillow of some sort under his tender genitals for comfort. 

"You want some ice for that?" Daniel offered helpfully. 

"No! Just leave it alone." Jack winced at the suggestion. Even given the swelling and bruising he'd suffered, and despite Fraiser's suggestion, the very idea of a large quantity of ice anywhere near the family jewels was damn near unthinkable. 

"There's nothing we can do to sort of speed up the healing process?" 

"Apparently not," Jack said morosely. "And stop looking at it like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like the wheels just came off your favorite toy train. There's more to me than my dick." 

"Of course there is," Daniel said soothingly. 

"It's not even my best part." 

"At this particular time I'd say it's a long way from being your best part." 

"Thanks," Jack snapped sarcastically. 

"No, really, Jack. It's actually kind of... revolting." 

"Prick!" 

"That's what I'm talking about." 

"I suppose you think yours is just so... so..." Jack gave up because in fact he did think Daniel's cock was so... Really very 'so'. 

"Compared to that?" Daniel asked pointedly. Jack just sighed and dropped his head back onto his pillow. 

"You're disappointed we can't do.stuff." 

"Sure." Daniel gave Jack a challenging look. "And I wasn't the only one planning to spend the next three days in bed." Jack shrugged agreement. "Maybe I should just plan to go ahead and work for the next day or two. Or three." 

"There's more to us than just sex," Jack insisted. "Although, the fact that we're going at it like bunnies on speed even though we're way past the 'honeymoon' stage is a testament to... something." 

"Bunnies on speed?" 

"Hey, have you ever seen bunnies on speed go at it?" 

"No. Have you?" Daniel shot back. 

"I have actually. Top secret government project." 

"The government was injecting innocent bunnies with amphetamines?" Daniel stammered in disbelief. 

"Trust me-there wasn't anything innocent about those bunnies," Jack said suggestively. 

"What?" Daniel gasped, shaking his head as if to clear it. 

"What?" 

"There's also a psychological factor involved," Daniel reasoned, trying to draw the conversation back into some semblance of sanity and away from classified randy rabbits. "The minute that you hear you can't have something you immediately want it twice as bad." 

"You know, I'd be more than happy to help you, um, you know-get off-but Doc said I shouldn't do anything that might provoke a reaction. She kind of hinted that might be painful." 

"I don't want you if you're not fully functional," Daniel said. He paused thoughtfully the second the words left his mouth. "Uh... that didn't come out quite like I intended." 

"Admit it-you only love me for my dick." 

"Yes, of course," Daniel agreed, turning off the light and climbing into bed. "I spend every possible minute, waking or sleeping, with you. I've taken up American beer, canoeing, and C-SPAN. I put up with your insults, mother henning, and your strange obsession with my feet. And all because I can't get enough of your dick." 

"Well, you can't," Jack said smugly. "And could you put some clothes on?" 

"What? Why? I always sleep in the nude." 

"Not tonight. Doc said nothing that might provoke a response," Jack reminded him. 

"But I'm not doing anything," Daniel said incredulously. "I'm just lying here... oh. Oh, right!" Daniel sat up indignantly. "And I'm the one who can't get enough of your cock?" 

"That's right." 

"Colonels with glass dicks shouldn't throw stones," Daniel sniped. "Especially ones with your obvious predilection for my ass," Daniel continued, rising to his knees and grabbing said ass to illustrate the point. Daniel's rant continued but Jack wasn't listening. His brain, like his eyes, was fixated first on the ass in question, and then on Daniel's cock which even now was swinging before Jack, bobbing to the cadence of Daniel's words. "And I certainly wasn't the one down on his knees in the SGC locker room because he couldn't go another minute without tasting.. Jack?" 

"Huh?" All right, so Jack had once referred to the scent and taste of Daniel as 'heady ambrosia'. Jack thought the occasional outburst of sap should be decently ignored by any considerate lover. 

"There, uh, there seems to be a 'reaction' there." Daniel gestured toward Jack's groin. Jack didn't need to look-he could feel the tentative effort his abused cock was making. 

"Ow," Jack agreed with a groan. 

"I thought you were supposed to keep that thing on bed rest," Daniel reminded him impatiently. 

"When has it ever listened to me? Anyway, foreplay always gets a reaction." 

"Foreplay? What foreplay?" 

"You! You've been... and... and waving that in my face," Jack retorted, gesturing at Daniel's groin. Daniel growled in exasperation as he flopped back down on the bed. It was beyond Daniel's capacity to comprehend how Jack could even think of accusing Daniel of being sexually addicted to him when all it took was a little nudity from Daniel to get Jack up, even in his current state. 

"Daniel?" Jack waited for Daniel to look at him. "Glass dicks?" A smile tugged at the corner of Daniel's mouth and Jack snorted. "So.. what are we going to do for the next three days?" 

"Well...," Daniel said slowly, eyeing Jack speculatively. "You'll want to avoid any kind of physical activity until the swelling goes down so.. I know. I've got like six hours of documentaries backed up. I'll even pop some popcorn." Jack groaned in disgust. "No, no-even better. I've revised my lecture for the new recruits. You can help me rehearse. Critique the presentation." 

"Power point?" Jack asked fearfully. 

"Of course." 

"Daniel." 

"What?" 

"Get the damn ice pack."


End file.
